How many times have you changed someone’s mind by posting your opinion on social media? Better yet, how often has your deeply held opinion changed after reading someone else’s social media post?
For almost everyone reading this, the answer to both questions is zero. An emotive post may make us feel good, but it has virtually no chance of persuading someone to think differently.
Being persuasive can be challenging, but it is also an important part of being a leader. To be a great leader, you must be able to galvanize people around a mission, even if they are skeptical.
To actually be persuasive, we must start with understanding why people are hard to persuade. Most people’s worldview, beliefs and opinions form a core part of their identity. This makes it hard for them to be open to new ways of seeing things. More important, it results in them filtering any new information they receive through a lens that works to validate what they already believe.
People also hold tightly to their way of thinking because it feels psychologically safe. Being open and having your ideas challenged is emotionally risky and requires vulnerability. Being certain of something, or knowing, feels good. The risk of being wrong feeds insecurity. The ability and willingness to change our minds is a great strength, not a weakness.
Many folks also worry that changing their view will put them at risk of alienating friends or family. Often, people would rather be wrong than risk falling out of favor with their community.
It is interesting how often people who embrace conspiracy theories can be wrong but still hold onto their opinions. They are often driven by insecurity or fear of not understanding, which creates a low-grade anger about being ill-informed or being “on the outside.” This can result in people believing crazy ideas that are hard to dislodge.
Most folks also make emotional decisions and then work to justify them logically. Emotion trumps logic, every time. As Kathryn Schulz writes in her book “Being Wrong,” it is easy to feel 100% right while actually being 100% wrong.
In summary, people want to feel right and emotionally safe, so they cling to what they believe. The thought of being wrong creates emotional angst, especially if changing their mind will put them at odds with their community. These folks embrace “knowing,” which often makes it hard to persuade them to see things differently.
Having been in leadership and the political arena for much of my career, I have seen all the above play out many times. The smartest among us know precious little of what there is to know. However, it is often hard to accept that personally. It is important to realize that no matter how certain we feel, we are all self-deceived to some degree.
Understanding all of the above helps us have more influence when we are working to help someone see things differently. For starters, it’s hard to persuade someone if you have not yet established rapport and trust. It is almost impossible to persuade without trust. To establish trust, show vulnerability by sharing a time when your mind has changed.
Also, be a good listener. Work hard to understand the other person’s perspective. Ensure that they feel heard and respected. Open-ended questions will help with this. Understanding their motivation or emotional perspective is more important than understanding their conclusions or what they believe to be facts.
And, when you are trying to persuade, be sure to do it face-to-face. My experience is that it is much easier to be persuasive when sitting across from a person who can then better understand the authenticity of your view.
It’s important to avoid a win-lose environment. When you frame your discussion as “I am right and you are wrong,” it becomes hard to persuade another person of your view. No one wants to feel like a loser.
Another important tip is never to rely on facts alone. Trying to change someone’s views through facts and logic is largely ineffective. You must change the person’s perspective. Often, this can be done by reframing the situation for them. Don’t just load them up with facts or evidence; work to change their perspective. As we often say at Correct Craft, emotion trumps logic, every time.
Sometimes, it’s a win just to plant the seed so the other person’s mind can change later. This often means being willing to walk away. Many folks, particularly introverts, need time to process. Sometimes, entrenched thinking will change later with a small catalyst if the right seeds have been planted. If you keep pressing before the person is ready to think differently, it often entrenches them. Be patient.
The story of my arrival at Correct Craft in 2006 — as the fifth CEO in five years — is well documented. However, I have rarely shared the experience I had during my early days with three of Correct Craft’s key strategic partners. Each one met with me separately, explaining that they were weary of the company’s changes and were moving on. They were going to work with our competitors. At the time, listening to these frustrations felt devastating. I truly was concerned that Correct Craft had an existential crisis and may not be able to stay in business.
It was tough to persuade those three partners to give us more time, but I was able to do that by using the strategies above. Thankfully, they each eventually saw the change in Correct Craft and stuck with us. For the past 20 years, all three have kept our mutually beneficial relationships in a big way.
If you would like to do a deeper dive on this topic of changing people’s minds, check out David McRaney’s excellent book “How Minds Change.”
Bill Yeargin is CEO of Correct Craft and author of six books including the bestseller “Education of a CEO.”
