Recently, a boss complained to me about a project his team got wrong. “I don’t understand,” he said, “I was very clear on what they were supposed to do.”

He was surprised when I told him the problem was not his team; it was 100% him. Many bosses won’t like reading this, but when there is a communication problem, it is always the communicator’s fault.

Often, bosses don’t understand that an idea being clear in their head does not mean it is clear in the heads of team members. Here is an excerpt from my book Education of a CEO that will help you grasp this idea:

How often do you hear someone say something that makes no sense? You may wonder, “What did they just say?” or “Where did that come from?” Sometimes this happens because the message is clear in the communicator’s head, but when it comes out of their mouth, it is not so obvious to the listener.

Try this. Pick out a relatively well-known song and tap out the song’s beat on a table with a friend or co-worker listening. The song can be Happy Birthday, Row Your Boat, Jingle Bells or any other common song. A high percentage of the time, the song will be clear in your head but remain a mystery to the listener. Sometimes it seems strange to the tapper when he or she realizes the listener cannot name the song; it is so clear in the tapper’s head.

This happens all the time with normal communication. Just because something is clear in your head does not mean it is clear to your listener. As leaders, we must ensure that what we are communicating is presented in a way that is crystal clear to the listener.

The last two sentences of that excerpt are key. As leaders, we must ensure that our team understands what we are communicating. We must also recognize that what is clear in our heads is not necessarily clear in the heads of our listeners.

Bosses must also understand the perspective of their listeners, an idea I wrote about last month in an article about having influence. My point in that article was that you never change someone’s mind by pointing out how they are wrong. You only change their mind by changing their perspective. Listeners may hear what you say, but if they see the situation from a different perspective, they will not give you what you need.

The day I was writing this month’s article, I experienced a great example of this. I was discussing a project with one of our team members, explaining how I would like it done. They were seeing the project differently than me and were struggling to understand what I was asking of them. Though this person is super-intelligent, we could not connect about what I needed. A few hours later, I received the requested assignment, but it was not what I wanted. Sure, there are learning opportunities related to listening for my team member, but the responsibility for clear communication was mine.

As leaders, we must understand our team’s perspective when communicating. You and they may be looking at the same beach ball, but if you see the blue panel and they see the orange panel, you are not likely in sync. Not being in sync can lead to not only frustration for both parties, but also a lot of wasted time and money.

It helps to know your team well and have a good relationship with the members. Sometimes, it also helps our team to ask each other, “What is this really about?” or “What is the problem we are trying to solve?”

It also helps communication if a boss is in touch with his or her team’s emotional drivers. For some, like me, this takes work because I tend to be more logical — but not quite Spockish — than emotional. However, even if you have a more logical temperament like me, it is important to focus on your team’s emotions because that is an important way that they communicate what is important to them. Understanding what is important to our team members helps us become better communicators and bosses.

This is harder to do with team members who are less expressive with their emotions, which is usually the case. In fact, the guy who popularized the idea of emotional intelligence, Daniel Goleman, states that most people rarely put their emotions in words. Therefore, bosses need to be more intuitive and work to improve their emotional intelligence; understanding nonverbal communication will help any boss better lead his or her team.

If a boss takes responsibility for communication success, works hard to understand his or her team’s perspective, and is in touch with what is emotionally important to the team, he or she will become a much better communicator. I know this will be discarded by some as “touchy-feely,” but do so at your own peril.

Finally, I constantly tell leaders that it is their job to create clarity. Here is another excerpt from Education of a CEO that addresses the importance of clarity:

There are few things that drive organizational performance more than clarity. As leaders, we take a big step toward helping our organizations optimize performance when we are clear about our “why,” our vision, our values, our plans and our expectations regarding returns.

Patrick Lencioni writes a lot about being clear and addresses one of my biggest personal challenges with creating clarity. I sometimes feel like a broken record repeating the same things. However, Lencioni encourages leaders to keep repeating their message to create clarity even if they find it boring.

At almost every meeting I have with the leaders or other employees at our companies, I remind everyone of and emphasize our vision — our why — and our values. Our leaders know the four pillars to our company vision: We all know our why, which is “Making Life Better,” and we all know our values, which are clearly identified in our company culture pyramid.

It takes effort to create clarity, but the best leaders find a way to do it. Bosses who are poor communicators fail to accept responsibility for creating clear communication and don’t try to understand their employees’ perspectives and emotions. Don’t be that boss

This article was originally published in the October 2024 issue.